London Calling

Back to the grind stone, sob.

Floyd and I were in Kerry, SW Ireland for a holiday with our friends who own a spectacular house there. This is the 4th time we have been in the past year and we love it so much. They are great friends too so we had a fantastic time. The house is about 3 miles up it’s own private road. It is perched on the side of a mountain and overlooks a loch – all part of their property. The mountains constantly change colour depending on the time of day and whether it’s sunny or cloudy. It is just spectacular and so calming. We also took a boat trip (in their boat) across to Dingle. We had the resident dolphin Funghie (who lives around Dingle Bay) leaping about in the surf of the boat and whizzing along next to us. So amazing. Sigh!

We left for Ireland on Saturday, 26th May and I hated going then because my friend Davo was becoming so ill. By this time, Davo couldn’t MSN with me but we had already made plans about how we would communicate when that happened. We would continue sending our home made short movies for him. His best friend was sat with him and would do the typing. I would have my Blackberry and could send emails back. So this is what we were doing for a few days. On Sunday, while we were in Kerry, things were getting much worse. Davo hated people knowing too much detail about his illness so I won't give it here. Davo died just after midnight. I cannot really describe the devastating, crushing feeling – made so much worse because he did not want to go. He was scared and wanted to be saved. He would say that all he needed was a new body, his mind was just fine. I have a million emotions and I am sure I will talk about them again here but maybe later!

We talked a lot about what would happen after he passed. We talked about whether he would be able to send a sign or not. Well after I received the news of his passing, the storm we had in Ireland just stopped. I stood at the window looking over the moonlight loch crying for a bit. Only the moon was out in the sky. Floyd was still asleep. I tip-toed back to bed and lay there crying and praying for peace for Davo. After 5 minutes, for no reason I sat bolt upright and looked over to the window. Above the loch was a huge bright star, like the North Star but a bit brighter. I just knew that was Davo and his sign. I whispered a couple of things and it brightened. I said “oh now you’re just showing off” and then it just vanished. No other stars, just the moon. I went back to sleep smiling. Davo’s best friend in Germany was with Davo when he passed. He said they too had a storm which stopped as soon as Davo died.

I miss Davo so, so, so much. He was one of my best friends and where we were in constant contact for the best part of a year, it's left a huge gaping hole. I know that he had made me a special package with a homemade video that he asked would be sent to me after he had gone. This is so typical of his kindness and thoughtfulness. Though I am sure my heart will break all over again.

I am ok. I like to turn terrible situations over to create something positive from them. I am not scared of leukaemia but I respect it's power. If sat here weeping and mourning forever, then I go against everything I promised Davo I would do. I will carry on the fight against leukaemia by continuing to be an ambassador for Leukaemia Research, working on new projects I have coming up with them and helping fundraise.

I will see this nasty disease wither and die in my lifetime and I promised Davo it would all be for him and Floyd. You can count on it.

Soph